Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
