So drunk its hurt
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
