my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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