I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Randomize
