I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Just invented taco cereal.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Randomize
