I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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