I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Randomize
