OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Randomize