Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
