When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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