he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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