that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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