I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
