dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
