I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
