Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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