Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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