He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Randomize
