I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Also, beer. Big fan.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize