That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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