I heard we made out
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
