So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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