did you get engaged???
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
