32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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