this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
