A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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