Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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