Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
