I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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