He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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