drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
