he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
