i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
