There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize