break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
