Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Randomize
