i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
