my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
