Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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