i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
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