theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
