How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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