Why are handjobs necessary in class?
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Randomize
