How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
