the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
