So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
