My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
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