Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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