dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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