he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Randomize
