I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize