Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
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