i just had sex bonerless
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
