come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
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