So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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