I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
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