i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Randomize
