His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
