I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
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