he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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