FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
