I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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