I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
