I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize