craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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