i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
