Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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