We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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