Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
