I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
