i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize