i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
