Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
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