I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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