Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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