why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize