Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
