I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
