dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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