The beer is more important than you right now.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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