I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
