What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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