Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
