Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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