our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Randomize
