hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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