Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
