Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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