You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
