mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
