..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
