My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
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