I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
