they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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