it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
