She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
