He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
