doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
