All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize