literally had 100 drinks last night.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
