Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
