so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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