Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Randomize
