I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
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