this beer tastes like vomit already
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize