I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Randomize
