wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Randomize
