the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
i out mim tonsoeep
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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