she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Best friends brother. Beat that.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
