Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
