I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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