Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
