So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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