Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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