Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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