So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
