we're chasing vodka with high fives
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
